


Sleepwalking

by carxies



Series: Almost like fate [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hinata has some problems, Hinata is kinda bad boy but not really, Kageyama is a photographer, Kags go through some self-discovery, M/M, Strangers to Lovers, colour blidness, literally no fighting, this is sad but they get along and love each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-07 19:56:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6821851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carxies/pseuds/carxies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He isn't looking for more, he doesn't feel the need to have more than he has now, waiting for him at home. And yet, on one sunny day, he finds something that lights the spark in his fairly cold heart again and he refuses to let it burn out.</p><p>Or, Kageyama is eager to find out all Hinata's secrets. Why did he run away from cops, twice, and why he keeps acting weird? Some of the secrets surprise him more and some less, but one changes the way Kageyama looks at life entirely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kageyama's always known that something wasn't quite right in his life. He just couldn't figure out what it was, what didn't fit, what was missing. Perhaps it was the fact he hasn't have friends, maybe it was the fact he's welcomed into a cold embrace of his flat every day. He shared the place with almost a stranger, he shared everything with her - the bed, the bathroom, the meals - except his heart. She had familiar face, he knew her voice perfectly, however he felt nothing when he called her his girlfriend. At his point, Kageyama isn't sure if he just fell out of love or he's never fallen in the first place.

 

While one would say it's sad, Kageyama would say it's alright, it's normal. They still have small talks and Kageyama's learnt to ignore the smell of an aftershave that didn't belong to him in the bedroom. He overlooks the countless returns of his girlfriend after midnight, he turns the other way when she uses make up to cover up the marks he hasn't done. It's alright, he assures himself, because she's just getting what he can't give her somewhere else.

 

Maybe the missing piece was the fact he couldn't bare even the thought of touching her, going any further than kissing her lips. At first, she was okay with this. However, as weeks turned into months, she started seeking out what was denied by Kageyama. And he's never thought it was wrong, because she kept going back to him. It's alright, he thinks. Perhaps he just isn't able to love someone right.

 

-

 

 

As sun keeps shining through the window of the atelier for hours now, he decides to go out to try something new. He prefers atelier over taking photos outside, he can manipulate with all the lights exactly how he wants (though Nishinoya-san says it's the easy way out), but the warmth is tempting enough to lead him outdoors. He wanders through the streets, taking some shots, mainly of animals he's met.

 

He's just snapping a picture of a puppy playing with its toy when everything turns around. It's fair to say that such things don't happen to him normally. No, he normally isn't stopped on the street by a stranger who smiles at him like they've known each other for ages.

 

"Hey, I know you!" a man running across him shouts, waving his hand furiously.

 

He stops right in front of Kageyama, grinning widely. He doesn't say anything for a few seconds, the only sounds around them are typical noise of a city and someone repeatedly calling the name _'Hinata'_ angrily. The stranger seems to recover from his run quite quickly and pats Kageyama's shoulder, making him flinch at the touch.

 

"I saw you at gay bar once."

 

Kageyama flinches again at the memory he's been trying to forget ever since he obtained it - he will never again enter that place.

 

"Yeah, that doesn't matter. You're hot, so here, have my number and call me or something," the ginger man continues and grabs Kageyama's arm, scribbling a bunch of numbers on his forearm with a black marker, which he already had in hand while almost bumping into Kageyama.

 

The calls of the name get closer and closer and before Kageyama knows it, a bald police man is fighting with the ginger man before his own eyes. The stranger kicks his legs and tries to free his arms of the other man's grip, protesting that he wants to at least finish the phone number. The cop doesn't let him, of course. Instead, he handcuffs him and starts to drag him away.

 

"I'm Hinata, by the way!" the stranger shouts, " _Tanaka-san, have mercy!_ "

 

"I figured that out," Kageyama mumbles as he continues watching the scene, dropping his precious camera in the process of pure shock. Yeah, it normally doesn't happen that criminals stop running away from cops to give him their number. He also normally isn’t attracted to them, especially with a girlfriend waiting for him home.

 

Kageyama is a good person, if he can say so himself. He helps old people, for example his grandparents with any kind of technology, he doesn't cause any problems in work (not intentionally, at least), he respects people around him and he likes animals - although this feeling remains unrequited. So why his favourite lens has to break when he drops his camera for the first time in his whole life?

 

Well, it's too late to cry over spilled milk, or in this case, pieces of glass crushed on the ground.

 

Where will he get the money to buy new lens? Sure, he has some others, but there's a reason why this was his favourite. He supposes he could ask Nishinoya-san for more work to do to save the money faster. Although he really doesn't want to do that, because of two reasons. First, dropping a camera is unprofessional and he's deeply ashamed. Second, Nishinoya-san will lecture him again.

 

He sighs and picks up the poor camera when he finally realises the whole situation. it normally doesn't happen that most likely a criminal stops running away from cops just  to give him their number. He also normally isn’t attracted to him. But it feels damn good.

 

He isn't looking for more, he doesn't feel the need to have more than he has now, waiting for him at home. And yet, on one sunny day, he finds something that lights the spark in his fairly cold heart again and he refuses to let it burn out.

 

In that exact moment, it all snaps and somehow makes perfect sense. He doesn't have to settle for less, he doesn't have to accept this. He runs home, not knowing how fast, not knowing which way. He finds the skinny figure sitting on the sofa, smiling up at him once she sees him. But Kageyama has had about just enough.

 

"It's not alright, this is not alright."

"What isn't ?"

"You sneaking behind my back, sleeping with others."

"But-"

"We should break up."

 

She doesn't say another word, not even as she neatly packs her belongings and make her way out of the flat, out of his life. She's expected this, at least. The place is suddenly lonely, but Kageyama feels like he can finally breathe again and not suffocate on cheap aftershave.

 

He sits on the bed, the sheets they picked together, and it makes him think. Was this decision sudden and rushed ? Maybe. Does he regret breaking up with his girlfriend just because some stranger told him he's not? Absolutely not.

 

It's confusing and weird, he barely knows his name, the number on his arm isn't finished, but for some reason, the bright eyes were enough to wake Kageyama up from his daze. He doesn’t feel like sleepwalking anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hide me!" the stranger, no, Hinata, says breathlessly as he stands right in front of Kageyama's feet.

Kageyama doesn't mention the great loss to Nishinoya-san, he doesn't feel the need to share the story of what had happened. His life goes on like it did before, he arrives to work barely at time, but it doesn't matter, because Nishinoya-san comes later than Kageyama, pleased grin playing on his lip as he greets Kageyama cheerfully.

 

They have clients coming today, so they take their time to make the atelier look presentable. The smaller male goes on and on about his boyfriend, though he's never actually confirmed their status when Kageyama asked. It's Kageyama's task to prepare the whole scene, lights included, which is his favourite thing to do. It's for family photos, so he chooses lights that will cause only minimal amount of soft shadows. Nishinoya-san compliments his work and asks him to take some testing photos.

 

That’s when the short man finds out about Kageyama's loss.

 

"You really are using another lens? What happened?"

"The other one is broken."

"What ? Someone broke it?"

 

Kageyama sighs and with heavy heart, he nods. "I did."

 

Nishinoya-san stares at him in shock and Kageyama prepares himself for what's coming next.

 

"YOU BROKE IT?!"

"Yes. I would rather not talk about it."

 

The man keeps looking at him with wide eyes, but lets the topic die as he prepares his own camera. The photo shoot goes well, Nishinoya-san is excellent at what he's doing and Kageyama can’t not notice that he's also got better at dealing with kids, which he reasons by the man spending so much time with Asahi-san's daughter lately. It's not like he hasn't been listening about it all the time.

 

Nishinoya-san does most of the cleaning up himself, which is a little unusual, but Kageyama doesn't complain that he only has to turn the lights off and sweep the floor before he leaves. The other man rushes home while Kageyama decides to stay behind for a bit longer, trying to cooperate with the new lens. Sure, professionals should be able to work with what they have, but that knowledge doesn't stop Kageyama from being grumpy about breaking his favourite piece.

 

When nothing goes how he wants it to and he feels like throwing the lens in the bin, he turns all of the lights off and opens the door outside, sitting on the porch of the atelier and snapping some pictures of the nature around. It helps to calm him down a little. But then something ruins one picture, a blurry spot in the middle of the photo. He looks up and can barely believe his eyes. The same stranger from the other day runs past him, however then turns around and makes his way towards Kageyama. Not again, he thinks and grips his camera tighter.

 

"Hide me!" the stranger, _no, Hinata_ , says breathlessly as he stands right in front of Kageyama's feet.

 

And for some reason, Kageyama does just that. He jumps to his feet and grabs the slim arm, dragging the panting man behind him inside the atelier. He shuts the door closed after them, which leaves them in complete darkness. Hinata's heavy breathing fills the whole place and Kageyama has to control his own lungs as adrenaline takes over his body. He shouldn't be hiding some he's already seen running away from police. _And yet there he is_ , leaning against the wall, wide eyes staring into the dark while Hinata is catching his breath beside him.

 

"Thank you," the man almost whispers, "Tanaka-san isn't in the mood today."

 

Kageyama's head is full of questions. Is Tanaka-san the cop from the other day? If yes, why does Hinata call him by name? Why was Hinata arrested in front of his very own eyes? What has Hinata done? Why did he try to give Kageyama his number?

 

_Why is Kageyama thrilled by not knowing any of these answers?_

 

By memory, he manages to find the switch and turns some of the lights on. Hinata hisses and covers his eyes with his palm. "Can you leave only one on? Some slight one?"

 

Kageyama looks at the man confused because the lights are still set to be soft and they're focused on the scene feet away from them. However, Hinata looks to be almost in pain, and Kageyama obeys, leaving only the weakest light on. He notices that it still takes quite a while for the smaller man to get used to it, but he doesn't comment it.

 

"Are you running away from the cops again?" Kageyama blurts out when he simply can't take it anymore.

"Yeah," Hinata smiles sheepishly and his normally wide eyes squeeze almost shut. It's kind of cute.

 

Kageyama's heartbeat picks up a rapid pace. Maybe it's because of the new information; maybe it's because of Hinata's smile. It's possibly both.

 

"What have you done?"

 

The ginger-haired man turns to Kageyama with a smirk on his lips, clearly ready to tease the taller man. "What do you think?"

 

"Just tell me," Kageyama frowns.

"Nope. You have to guess."

"Just tell me! For all I know, I could be hiding a killer!"

"Do I look like I killed someone?"

"Maybe. They say it's usually the small ones, the ones who don't look like it."

"I'm not small !"

 

Kageyama sighs and slumps down on the floor, turning his camera off. Hinata follows him and sits by his side, their shoulders close to touching but not enough.

 

"You're photographer?"

"Yes. If you haven't noticed, we're in atelier right now."

"I _did_ notice," the male pouts but then grins widely, "I think it's cool. Can you show me some photos?"

 

Kageyama turns to face him and can't help but smile the slightest. The black clothes Hinata was wearing contrasted with his bubbly personality he's showed Kageyama so far. He finds himself nodding and getting up, leading Hinata to small room where they kept some of the photos that weren't just hanging on the walls. The ginger man keeps nodding approvingly as Kageyama shows him the pictures one after another, some his own, some that Nishinoya-san took. When he comes to his favourite one, an old looking photo of sakura during the sunset, Hinata's fingers gently run around the edges of it.

 

"I like the colours on this one. It's kinda cheesy, but it was one of my first photos," Kageyama says and the corner of Hinata's mouth twitch.

 

"I love it."

 

It's another thing that Kageyama doesn't comment or ask about, but he remembers it. Hinata pulls his hand away from the photo and looks up at the taller man.

 

"I know this is embarrassing and all, but since I kinda forget to ask, what's your name?"

 

Kageyama almost laughs, because he himself overlooked the fact he never gave Hinata his name.

 

"I'm Kageyama."

"Nice to meet you. And thank you," Hinata says as he and Kageyama make their way towards the door.

"I could be hiding a killer," Kageyama repeats himself.

"You could be. But no, I didn't kill anyone. So you will have to keep guessing until you figure it out. I will tell you once you hit it."

 

Hinata chuckles as they part ways and all that Kageyama can think about is if it's an unsaid agreement this isn't their last meeting. Despite everything, he hopes it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kags doesn't make a big deal of his breakup but of breaking his favourite lens. What a nerd.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama's mind is going crazy with many, many possible crimes Hinata could have committed. The problem is simple - nothing seems to fit Hinata. It drives Kageyama insane and he keeps a list in his head, adding and crossing out things all the time.

Kageyama's mind is going crazy with many, many possible crimes Hinata could have committed. Nishinoya-san is a bit worried with his little internet research and he keeps reminding Kageyama that he doesn't think he has done something illegal _, but if Kageyama did, he can tell him_ (he even swears he wouldn't tell Asahi-san, but Kageyama doesn't trust that promise at all). The problem is simple - nothing seems to fit Hinata. It drives Kageyama insane and he keeps a list in his head, adding and crossing out things all the time.

 

Nishinoya-san finds out about his breakup when he doesn't think about his answers carefully enough. Surprisingly, he leaves the topic and only says that he hopes Kageyama is okay and will be happier now.

 

 

The third time Kageyama meets Hinata is a week after their little hideout game, he recognizes him across the street as he goes to buy new lens. Hinata wears all black once again, dark glasses covering his eyes. Kageyama debates if he should approach him or not, but he has no time to come to the decision - once Hinata sees him, he practically runs towards him.

 

"Long time no see!" he grins up at Kageyama, "Where are you going?"

"To buy something."

"Buy what?"

"New lens."

"Can I come along?"

"Sure."

 

He doesn't mention he needs a new one because of him. Hinata doesn't seem to notice just how awkward Kageyama is around him, and if he does, he says nothing about it. Kageyama is thankful for that as they walk down the street in silence, at least until his curiosity breaks it.

 

"Are you a robber? Thief?"

 

Hinata isn't taken back at all when Kageyama shoots the question. If anything, he is amused.

 

"No," he answers with a wide grin on his handsome face.

"Drove without a licence? Or drunk?"

 

The smaller man shows the tiniest bit of discomfort at this question, but he shakes it off as quickly as it comes.

 

"I don't drive at all."

"Oh, okay. Then .. drug dealing?"

"Nope."

 

Kageyama sighs, feeling absolutely defeated by the time they stand in front of the shop. He opens the door and lets Hinata walk inside first, which Hinata comments with _'Such a gentleman, really'_ while smirking. Kageyama has the urge to punch him but maintains himself as he follows the ginger man. The shopping itself is short, Kageyama knows exactly what he wants, and they're back outside in minutes.

 

The awkward atmosphere between them continues until Hinata asks: "Do you want to go try it out?"

 

"Try it out?" Kageyama yelps and Hinata laughs at him.

"The lens. You seem eager to use it."

 

Kageyama curses himself for getting embarrassed this easily and nods.

 

"I know one cool place."

 

Kageyama follows Hinata, the stranger, the potential criminal, without a word. In Hinata's defense, the place is cool. They walk to the old, long left, ruined house, which looks both creepy and somehow beautiful. Hinata sits on the ground while Kageyama takes some picture, pleased with himself. He can't help but take some photos of Hinata as well, his ginger hair contrasting with the faded out, cold colours of the place. The small man demands to see the pictures, _of course_ , and Kageyama sceptically shows him. He's not as confident when it comes to outdoors photography as atelier photography, he admits to Hinata.

 

"What are you saying, they all look really nice!" Hinata calls as he pushes his sunglasses up until they rest in his messy hair.

"Thank you. I think the colours work well on this one," Kageyama replies as he observes the portrait of Hinata.

 

Hinata stiffens and nods absently, his eyes wandering over the camera display. Kageyama turns his attention to the man beside him and suddenly another urge comes over him, but this time it’s not the urge to punch Hinata. No, this time it’s urge to kiss him. Kageyama steps back, both shocked and confused, because he doesn’t understand the feeling at all. Is his little obsession to find out what Hinata has done caused by being attracted to him? It would make sense, it would, only if Kageyama hasn’t spent majority of his life thinking he’s straight. Well, not exactly straight. He’s never been sexually attracted to women. But he was able to love them.

 

Or was he?

 

He remembers his last relationship, the months of meaningless kisses and how the breakup didn’t make him feel anything at all. No sorrow, no anger. If something, it was only relief he wouldn’t have to put up with the relationship any longer. That means he simply didn't love her, right?

 

Hinata continues going through the photos and he smiles, gentle kind smile, and Kageyama wants to slap himself, but mainly kiss Hinata. But why is he suddenly so desperate to kiss someone, kiss someone he's just met? It doesn't seem logical, at least not until Kageyama recognizes the same thing he's felt when he ran home to break up with his girlfriend. It's the same warm, confused feeling, like someone's gripping his gut and setting fire in his ribcage.

 

Damn it, thinking has never done anything other than confuse Kageyama. He grips his fists and prepares to die out of embarrassment as he lean closer and closer, his face so close to Hinata he could stare into his soul. Before he can back off, he shuts his own eyes closed and moves forward until his lips brush against Hinata's. Although he's ready for the worst possible outcome of this, he hasn't thought this through enough to expect Hinata kiss him back. And just that happens, the smaller man wraps his arms around Kageyama's neck to pull him down and have better angle, and then he moves his lips against Kageyama's slowly and carefully.

 

Kageyama doesn't die out of embarrassment, even though his cheeks are burning as well as the tips of his ears. His fists loosen and soon his hands wander to Hinata's back, gripping his t-shirt. The only thing between them now is the camera hanging on Kageyama’s neck and _thanks gods for that_ , because otherwise he's sure he would have dropped it again.

 

After Hinata finally breaks the kiss, Kageyama has even more questions - both for Hinata and for himself. The shorter man smiles at him with bright eyes, his hands remaining on the back of Kageyama's neck.

 

"I didn't think you would be a good kisser," he says cheekily and Kageyama pinches his side in reply.

"I didn't think I would ever kiss you, dumbass."

 

The words slip past out of his mouth without thinking and for a moment Kageyama is worried that he's just ruined everything and offended Hinata, but the man just laughs and reaches out to pinch Kageyama's side as well.

 

"I was waiting for you to kiss me long enough, _dumbass_."

 

Kageyama isn't sure if kissing Hinata right here and right now is going too fast or too slow, nor he's sure what it means for him, but he ignores these questions, because Hinata is so close and the taste of his lips still linger on Kageyama's own.

 

When he’s sitting on his sofa that night, long after he’s said his goodbye to Hinata, he allows his mind to run wild again, bringing up all the secrets Kageyama wants to know. One thought seems to pop up more than others, but he pushes it aside every time. The higher his hopes get, the lower they sink him afterwards.

 

So instead, he focuses on the two things that fascinate him about Hinata.

 

 _First_ , he doesn’t want to tell Kageyama why police are after him.

 _Second_ , Hinata’s eyes have the weirdest (and most beautiful) colour Kageyama has ever seen.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama is fairly shocked when he finds short ginger man sitting on the porch of the atelier one afternoon. To be honest, he looks even smaller when he sits there like this, knees pushed to his chest and arms curled around his legs. Kageyama sits beside him, looking in front of him as he tries to guess what Hinata is watching.

Kageyama is fairly shocked when he finds short ginger man sitting on the porch of the atelier one afternoon. To be honest, he looks even smaller when he sits there like this, knees pushed to his chest and arms curled around his legs. Kageyama sits beside him, looking in front of him as he tries to guess what Hinata is watching.

 

"What are you doing here?" he asks quietly, maybe too quietly because Hinata doesn't seem to hear him.

 

His heart starts beating faster when he remembers kissing Hinata comes back to him, still in his lively memory even after five days. He wants to ask Hinata why he hasn't found him earlier, he knows where Kageyama works, after all, but all the words die in his throat when Hinata speaks up, voice a little hoarse.

 

"I wanted to see you."

 

Kageyama nods and looks up at the sky now quickly being covered by dark clouds. "Want to go inside?"

 

Hinata shakes head and looks up as well. "I like this weather the most. It's dark and everyone sees it almost the same."

 

Kageyama frowns. He feels like he's just an inch away from discovering what all the weird things Hinata does and says mean, but it always seems to slip through his fingers. He considers asking straightforwardly, however what if it's something Hinata doesn't want to talk about with someone he's just met?

 

"But yeah, let's go inside," he says and stands up, gazing down at Kageyama.

 

Kageyama leads Hinata inside, remembering to turn off all the lights and leave only one on, on the lowest setting. The shorter man follows his wordlessly, his footsteps soft behind Kageyama's heavy ones.

 

"Do you have new photos?"

"Yeah, the ones I took with you. And then some I took on film camera, so I have to take those to the dark room and develop them."

"Can I join?"

"Yeah, come on."

 

Kageyama works pretty quickly, his hands already knowing what to do without him paying that much attention and his eyes used to the darkness of the room, while Hinata sits on the old stool.

 

"So, are you a stalker?"

"No," Hinata chuckles.

"Hmm.. Illegal car races?"

"Like in that American movie?" the short man laughs, "No, I told you I don't drive."

"True. But you could be like a navigator or something while someone else drives."

"Nah. I suck at navigating."

 

Kageyama sighs and hangs the photos carefully. "Hacker?"

"No."

"Part of gang?"

"Nope."

"Why don't you just tell me?"

"Because this is more fun. Plus you have interesting ideas."

"Yeah right," Kageyama groans and finally finishes the whole process. "We're done here. Can I turn the light on?"

 

"No, come here."

 

He finds Hinata easily and frowns slightly when he notices his closed eyes. "Are you okay?"

 

Instead of answering, small hand grabs his collar and pulls him down until Hinata is kissing him. It's not as nice as the first time, Kageyama has to bend down almost painfully and the smell of chemicals surrounds them, but Hinata's lips feel as good as they did before. As they part with an embarrassing sound, Kageyama mumbles something about needing fresh air and drags Hinata to the porch.

 

It's already raining, heavy drops falling on the ground repeatedly, but it's sort of calming to watch, especially with Hinata by his side.

 

"Will you go out with me sometime?"

"With a criminal?"

"Yeah."

 

Kageyama chuckles and nods. "I will."

 

"You look good when you laugh."

"Dumbass."

"You're the dumbass."

 

Hinata moves closer to him and leans against his side. Without giving it a second thought, Kageyama sneaks his arm around his small waist and rests his palm on his stomach. The other one doesn't protest, the side of his head presses against Kageyama's shoulder as he shifts even closer.

 

"Can I tell you something?"

"Of course," Hinata replies.

"Just don't laugh. It's really stupid."

"Okay."

 

"The day I met you, I ran home and broke up with a girl I was living with."

"What's stupid about that?"

"I did it because of you."

"Really? You barely know me!"

"I know. I know. It's just.."

 

Hinata moves again so he can look up at Kageyama, his eyes wide. "Just what?"

 

"It's like something on you opened my eyes and I could finally see clearly."

 

The corner of Hinata's mouth twitches as he nods slightly. Once again, Kageyama feels like something is slipping out of his grip.

 

"I mean, I didn't love her. And she was cheating on me because I didn't want to sleep with her, but I let that be until that day."

"You let her cheat on you? Why?"

"I thought of it as she was just getting what I couldn't give her. I don't know why I'm telling you all this, sorry."

"No, no, it's okay. Can I ask why you didn't sleep with her?"

"I just couldn't. I don't know."

"So you're asexual?"

"I thought that. But.."

"But?"

 

Kageyama sighs and avoids Hinata's gaze, too embarrassed to admit the truth to him just like that. Especially when Hinata's eyes are glued on him and they refuse to move away. Why is he even talking about this? What it is about Hinata that Kageyama feels like he can tell him everything and anything?

 

"I think I might not be."

"Hey, it's okay if you don't know or if you're not sure. You don't have to know everything."

 

Hinata smiles up at him honestly and it feels like it’s been ages since someone gave Kageyama this kind of smile. They sit on the porch in silence until it stops raining and until the sun sets in silence. Kageyama locks the atelier and then they part ways, Hinata promising to wait for Kageyama tomorrow.

 

Once he arrives home, he continues with his research till it’s too late and he ends up falling asleep on the keyboard of his laptop.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colours are matter of course for Kageyama.

The day starts pretty colourfully. Kageyama's cheek is red thanks to his keyboard, each key pressed into the skin. His white t-shirt ends up brown because he spills his coffee on himself when he realises that he's got a date today. Kageyama usually pays attention to colours only when he takes photos, other than that, they're matter of course. He doesn't feel anything else than anger when he changes his clothes and throws the stained piece of fabric on the floor. Colours are matter of course for Kageyama.

 

As hours pass, he gets more and more nervous, it's been ages since he's actually been on a date. Kageyama isn't sure what's troubling him more - that he's going out with a man or that the mentioned guy is Hinata. Maybe he's stressing out too much about it, however the fact he can't explain what he feels around the short man drives him insane as much as not knowing what crime he's committed. To be fair, both are very exciting for him. He decides that he wants to find out today.

 

Much to his luck, the day goes on rather quickly, nothing unusual happens (and nothing breaks thanks to his trembling fingers). All his worries fade away when he finds Hinata sitting on the porch again, dressed in his typical black and huge glasses fall down his nose as he grins at Kageyama. Kageyama wishes he could take a picture of him like that, without him knowing, and hang it in the atelier to bring some brightness into the cold place. But he cannot, so he only memorises the view the best he can, burying it deep in his memory.

 

"Hey!" the man jumps to his feet, "Do you ever go out without the camera?"

"I do, but I had to take it to work, _dumbass_. And I can't leave it here."

 

Hinata chuckles and mumbles _'alright'_ before he grabs Kageyama's wrist and drags him to move from the porch. Kageyama feels Nishinoya-san's stare on his back, but he pretends he doesn't notice.

 

The date is unexpectedly nice. Kageyama was ready for sweaty hands and shaky voice, but that doesn't happen. No, he relaxes around Hinata and opens up more than he thought he possibly could. Hinata listens to every word that leaves his mouth and nods every now and then to let Kageyama know he has the ginger man's full attention. As they talk, Kageyama discovers that Hinata has a sweet tooth as they walk past a sweet-shop. They end buying a huge package of sweets, although Kageyama isn't keen on them. But it doesn't matter as long as Hinata stuffs his mouth happily. Once again, Kageyama wonders what the weird feeling is.

 

The sun goes down; however neither of them feels like parting ways just yet. When they pass old parking lot, Hinata manages to talk Kageyama into staying for a little while. Not a single soul is around, so they lay on the ground, Hinata's leather jacket under their heads as they stare up at the sky.

 

Kageyama reaches into the package that stays in Hinata's possession and pulls out the first thing that his fingers touch. It tastes good, not too sweet, a bit sour.

 

"Have you tried the pink ones? I like them the most, I think," he mutters.

 

Hinata shakes head absently and searches through the sweets almost desperately until he takes blue piece of candy and quickly chews it. Kageyama frowns but lets it slip by.

 

"Have you had fun today?" he asks when he finishes and turns to face Kageyama.

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah."

 

The weird feeling shows up again as Kageyama's eyes find Hinata's, their colour beautiful even in the dark. Or maybe he just remembers it that well already. Kageyama can't explain the thing expanding between them in the air, but it's there and it's real, very real. This time it's Hinata who leans towards first. His lips still taste like the candy, too sweet for Kageyama's liking, however he doesn't mind when it's Hinata.

 

Although this is their first official date, it doesn't feel like that. It feels like Kageyama knows Hinata through and through and yet not at all and he craves more. He intends to get more. Sadly, he doesn’t figure it out that day.

 

 

 

After the first date, the next ones are mostly in the atelier. Hinata makes Kageyama company whenever he's in the dark room or just trying out new light settings.

 

"Time for a break?" Kageyama asks as he turns his camera off.

"Porch break!" Hinata yells cheerfully and runs outside.

 

One would think Hinata is a sunny day lover, but the truth is, he loves the cloudy, dark days like today the most. It surprises Kageyama every time.

 

He sits beside the short man quietly and stretches out his arms. As always, Hinata observes the surroundings carefully, though they never change. Kageyama's object of attention is the ginger man beside him as he turns the camera on again and snaps a picture of him.

 

"Are you in the country illegally?" he tries.

"I am here legally."

"Damn it."

 

The shorter man giggles and leans to Kageyama, placing a light kiss in his cheek. "I'm sure you will figure it out."

"It's not fair, you're full of secrets."

 

The cheerfulness disappears from Hinata's face and serious expression replaces it. "I'm not sure if I can tell you," he whispers.

 

Sharp pain pierces Kageyama's heart at the words. Does Hinata not trust him?

 

"Don't look like that, it's not you. It's just.. It's been ages since I've told anyone."

"I won't force you," Kageyama replies, as soft as he possibly can.

 

Hinata smiles a little and nods. "I want to tell you. I .. I'm colour blind."

"So you can't discern shades of blue or something like that?"

 

The man chuckles as Kageyama’s confused face and shakes head. “No, Kageyama. I’m absolutely colour blind. It’s rare thing, but yeah. I don’t see colours at all. It’s called Achromatopsia or something. I don’t know.”

 

Kageyama’s jaw drops. It makes sense. Every time Hinata avoided picking something based on colour. Every time he tensed up when Kageyama talked about colours on the photos. He feels like a complete idiot and wants to crawl under something while yelling his apologies to Hinata. Before he can do any of it, Hinata continues.

 

“They say I will also be blind at young age. Not because of the colour blindness, that doesn't get worse, but because of something other fucked up in my brain. That's all I know about it, to be honest. I've never wanted to listen what the doctors tried to say about it, I've never wanted to know anything more about it.

 

My parents noticed that something was wrong when I was a kid. Everyone talking about colours, blue and green and red, but all I saw was something apparently called shades of gray. When I found out that what I see isn't what everyone sees, that they can see more than I, I was just so angry. So mad that I couldn't have what they do. So mad that my parents made me and I have to live with this even though I didn't choose to be born.

 

Of course, it hurt my parents a lot. They took all the blame on themselves and as I got older, I realised that it wasn't their fault. But that still didn't stop me from being mad at the whole world. Always so mad.

 

I know that people say that disabled people are strong when they accept their disability and all that. So I guess I'm not strong. I didn't get over it, I didn't embrace it, I didn't 'make the most of it'. I don't know how to describe it. I've just always felt so envious, because it's not like I've lost something, I've never had it in the first place.”

 

 

Hinata chuckles again, a weak attempt to ease the heavy atmosphere between them. Kageyama doesn’t know to react. He doesn’t Hinata to be mad because he pities him, but he does, he _does_ feel _so_ sorry for him he wants to cry. Kageyama usually pays attention to colours only when he takes photos, other than that, they're matter of course. _Colours_ _are matter of course for Kageyama._

 

“I’m sorry for talking the way I did in front of you. It won’t happen again,” is all he manages to say.

“No, I know what I said, but .. I like it when you talk about colours. I can almost imagine them when it’s you talking about them.”

 

Kageyama nods and stares in front of himself, the grip on his camera tightening. How comes Hinata is like light itself when he lives in basically darkness? It’s a lot to understand at once. His hand sneaks to Hinata’s on its own until their fingers tangle together.

 

"Kageyama, what colour are your eyes?"

"Erm, they're blue."

"Really ? Blue eyes are almost always described in books as the most beautiful and all that."

"Yeah. People say that, but I think they're just too obsessed with them. I don't think that blue eyes are better than other eyes."

"I think that if I could see colours, blue would be my favourite one," Hinata smiles and Kageyama’s heart breaks.

 

He understands the weird, warm feeling for Hinata now. It’s admiration.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While nobody told Kageyama it was easy to care about someone, no one ever told him it would be this bad. No one warned him about the piercing pain, no one told him he would feel like drowning while crying curled up on his bed, choking for air.

It's not that anything changes. The sun sets and the moon take its place on the sky just like any other night. The shadows are dark and scary just like they were yesterday while everything goes to sleep. No, everything stays the same. Kageyama just sees it differently.

 

It's only when he's alone, wrapped in the safety of his blanket when it finally hits him hard in the gut. Hinata doesn't know the bright ginger hair on his head, he hasn't ever seen the lovely shade of his eyes. He could never fully appreciate the beauty of the sunrise. _It's so unfair,_ he thinks, _it's just so unfair._

While nobody told Kageyama it was easy to care about someone, no one ever told him it would be this bad. No one warned him about the piercing pain, no one told him he would feel like drowning while crying curled up on his bed, choking for air, because the person he cares about deserves better. Neither his parents nor friends told him he would feel this helpless because he cannot help Hinata. And what’s worse, no one ever has taught him how to get over it.

 

It’s selfish, to be fair. Kageyama shouldn’t be thinking about how much he hurts, no, he should be focusing on Hinata. He shouldn’t be making this about himself. And yet here he is, desperate to stop whatever in the hell he’s feeling right now. As he gets too tired to fight the tears and they eventually dry up on his cheeks, he concludes that there is nothing to be taught – maybe he will get over it and maybe not, but all that depends on him and no one else. Kageyama hates it either way.

 

 

-

 

 

“Really? You’re sure you want to?” Hinata asks carefully, but his eyes shine even brighter than usually.

 

Kageyama regrets many things in his life. He regrets pushing some people away, he regrets being too scared to do things he wanted to. There are things he doesn’t regret – one of them is asking Hinata to date him. It comes out all rushed and shaky, but the reaction he gets makes up for everything.

 

“I’m sure.”

 

There’s only a squeal and then two arms are thrown around Kageyama’s neck while he’s being pulled to a kiss, pretty messy one compared to the others, but he couldn’t care less if it means that Hinata is happy.

 

Once they break apart, Hinata smiles again. Kageyama makes use of the situation and snaps a picture of him before he can do anything. The man protests but lets it go when Kageyama promises he looks okay.

 

When Hinata wanders around the atelier, Kageyama finally finds some time for editing. As he sits on the porch, laptop on his lap, he examines the photo of Hinata smiling. His hair is complete mess as usual, his eyes half-closed but the smile itself is wide as ever. His lips are slightly glossy after their kiss, which is kind of embarrassing to see. While he plays around with different setting, his eyes fall on the small icon he's been avoiding the whole time.

 

He squeezes his eyes shut and when he opens them again, the photo in front of him is black and white. He isn’t sure what he’s expected – he knows how black and white photos look like. Yet this is different, this is how Hinata always sees. With a sigh leaving his lips, he looks up from the monitor and looks around. The path is quiet as usually and the trees along it are just starting to bloom. The view becomes Kageyama’s first black and white photo in years and he prints it out without any editing, hanging it in the atelier.

 

“That’s pretty. Did you just take it?”

“Yeah. It’s .. not colourful.”

“Black and white?”

“Yeah.”

 

Hinata nods and examines the photo. “I like it.”

 

Kageyama thanks him sheepishly before he hands the shorter man his camera.

 

“Can you do something for me?”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Set it so it’s like you see.”

 

The man gives him a confused look, however doesn’t say anything as he sits down and plays around with the buttons on the camera for what feels like ages. Kageyama knows he shouldn’t be impatient – Hinata doesn’t know how the settings on cameras work, and while it would probably take Kageyama five seconds, it’s clear that Hinata will be struggling for a bit longer. Yes, Kageyama is aware of it, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel like his blood is boiling inside him.

 

Hinata hands him the camera back after a good ten minutes, nodding slightly. When Kageyama walks outside and takes the picture from the porch again, it’s much darker than the first one and it’s a bit blurry as well. The short man follows him and sneaks a look to the photo Kageyama’s just taken.

 

“Yeah, almost the same as the real thing,” he comments.

 

Kageyama doesn’t say anything and turns the camera off. He’s not good with words, but actions speak louder anyway, so he wraps his arms around Hinata in complete silence.

 

He barely knows how, his mind is too troubled to register some things, but Hinata ends up walking him home after they leave the atelier. Kageyama doesn’t feel like leaving his side at all, he wants just a bit more, he wants Hinata just a bit closer than he is now.

 

“Erm, do you want to come inside? We could watch some movie or something.”

 

The other man smiles and nods. He follows Kageyama inside the flat, which is thankfully clean enough. Kageyama disappears into the kitchen to grab drinks and snacks while Hinata looks around the place. When he returns to the living room, the short man is already comfortable on the sofa, waiting for him.

 

It’s different from all the time when his ex girlfriend waited for him like this. He doesn’t want to turn around and leave, no, his body is aching just to sit next to Hinata and feel Hinata’s presence next to him. The movie is good, but Kageyama pays attention only to a half of it. It’s hard to focus when Hinata cuddles to his side and drags Kageyama’s arms around himself. It’s hard to focus on anything else than Hinata when he yawns and rubs his eyes with the back of his hand.

 

“You can stay over if you want. It’s late anyway.”

 

Kageyama just now realises how bad it must be for Hinata in the dark – even people with normal vision have problems to see during the night time. It’s another thing he can barely imagine.

 

“Really?” another yawn, “That would be nice.”

“Yeah, come on.”

 

Unwillingly, Kageyama gets up and leads Hinata to his bedroom, debating if he should sleep on the sofa or if Hinata is okay with sharing bed.

 

“I will give you something to sleep in,” he mutters instead and looks through his wardrobe. He ends up pulling out blue t-shirt and pair of joggers that are too small for him now.

 

Hinata shows no shame when he takes off his clothes before Kageyama can do anything except feel his ears warm up with embarrassment.  He turns his eyes away from the pale skin of Hinata’s stomach, but the view is already burnt into his memory.

 

“What colours are these?” the man asks as he puts Kageyama’s clothes on.

“The t-shirt is blue, the pants black.”

“Does blue look good on me?”

 

Kageyama faces the shorter man again and with aching heart, he nods. “It does.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They don’t talk about it after the daylight peeks in the bedroom hours later. Hinata doesn’t mention it even before he leaves Kageyama’s flat with a goodbye kiss. Kageyama stays behind, a little sad, a little confused and maybe a little in love.

"So.."

"So.."

 

Kageyama shifts his feet on the carpet once again as he and Hinata stand in awkward silence. He glances at the man in front of him to find him playing with his fingers nervously.

 

"Oh god, what happened to you? You were so straightforward when I first met you," Kageyama mutters when he's just _done_ with the awkwardness.

"But that was different!" Hinata yelps, "I was running away from Tanaka-san and all."

"Did you assault a police officer?"

"No."

"Damn it!"

 

The ginger man chuckles under his breath and then there's the tense silence again.

 

"So.."

"So.."

 

Kageyama sighs and rubs his forehead. "Okay, fine. Hinata, do you mind sharing bed or I should sleep on the sofa?"

"I don't mind sharing bed."

"Good."

 

He watches as Hinata climbs into his bed and lies on his back - it's kind of amusing how much space there is between Hinata's feet and the edge of the bed when Kageyama barely fits on the bed with his height. Although Kageyama plans on teasing Hinata about it, it's also cute.

 

"Should I leave the light on?"

"Erm no, it's okay."

 

Kageyama nods and turns the switch off before he joins Hinata in the bed. Hinata quickly finds him between the sheets and lies so he faces Kageyama.

 

"Did you stop me that day only because of the adrenaline?" Kageyama asks quietly.

"Definitely not. It was luck in bad luck that I've ran into you that day."

"Luck in bad luck?"

"Well, I got arrested," Hinata giggles, "But I've finally met you and then again and then again."

"You sound like stalker," Kageyama mumbles as he feels his cheeks warming up.

 

"I'm not stalker. When I met you in the club, you just caught my attention. So when I saw you while running away, I was thinking, I'm gonna get arrested either way, so why not try it."

"Maybe if you didn't stop, you could have gotten away."

"Maybe. But I think it turned out okay."

 

Kageyama laughs silently and Hinata shifts closer to him, his breath now tickles Kageyama's face. It's not unpleasant, though it makes him a bit nervous.

 

They only look at each other, no more words spoken until they fall asleep. Kageyama isn't sure who did first, but he wakes up early in the morning when something is knocked off the night table and Hinata’s warmth previously by his side is gone.

 

He sits up and rubs his sleepy eyes, having trouble recognizing things in the dark. "Hinata?"

A quiet moment follows before the other man whispers: "Sorry. I just need to pee."

 

It takes a second before Kageyama remembers. He quickly gets up from the bed and walks to Hinata, reaching for his hand and mumbling 'come on'. Kageyama does his best to lead Hinata without making him bump into anything and he is relieved when they make it to the bathroom without any other accidents. Just then he lets go of the small hand and instead places his palm over Hinata's eyes as he turns the harsh light on.

 

"The light is on," he whispers.

 

Hinata nods and Kageyama feels his eyelashes tickling his hand as he opens his eyes. Kageyama’s heart goes crazy at the sight of Hinata’s sleepy face and posture and thank god he can’t see Kageyama staring at him.

 

"I'll be okay now, thank you."

 

Hinata replaces Kageyama's palm with his own and turns away from him, waiting till Kageyama leaves the room. He waits in the hall to escort Hinata back, his chest aching again for some reason. Perhaps it’s because this is another daily problem for Hinata that Kageyama can barely imagine.

 

The shorter man comes out so quietly Kageyama almost doesn’t notice him. When he goes to take his hand again, Hinata flinches away with a hiss. Kageyama is a little hurt by the gesture, but he doesn’t say anything about it.

 

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“It’s fine, you should have woken me up in the first place. I don’t want you to hurt yourself, dumbass.”

 

Instead of the normal fighting back, Hinata only nods and follows Kageyama back to the bedroom. The ginger man falls asleep again in a few minutes, but Kageyama stays wide awake. They don’t talk about _it_ after the daylight peeks in the bedroom hours later. Hinata doesn’t mention _it_ even before he leaves Kageyama’s flat with a goodbye kiss. Kageyama stays behind, a little sad, a little confused and maybe a little in love.

 

He isn’t sure what he would say if the last night’s event was mentioned but it still bothers him when he sits in the atelier while Nishinoya-san talks about something that happened with Asahi-san. He only starts paying attention when the topic of a public exhibition is brought up.

 

“Isn’t that great? We will get to show our photos to the public,” Nishinoya-san grins.

 

Kageyama only nods and lets the other man continue with his stories. It sounds nice having someone you love, he thinks as he glares at the dark photo on his camera.

 


	8. Chapter 8

The setting on Kageyama’s camera stays the same for almost a month now. All the pictures he takes are dark, blurry and sad, no matter how happy scene they capture. It's a huge change from the bright, perfectly sharp photos he's used to take, but he likes the new ones more. For him, they have more depth, more meaning - they have a soul. Maybe that's what was missing in his work so far.

 

As he hangs the last photo, he finally steps back and takes a better look at the whole thing. The composition of everything seems to be good, the print quality is the best they could get, every caption is on its place. Kageyama sighs in relief and leans his back against the blank wall behind him.

 

While Nishinoya-san presents his amazingly colourful pictures, he decides to show his latest series - purely in shades of gray.

 

A phone ringing in his pocket ruins the peaceful silence in the huge room.

 

"Halo? It's you, Hinata?"

"Hey, I'm not sure if I can make it i time tonight."

A frown creeps on Kageyama's face, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's just that .."

"Yes?"

"I'm behind the bars now. And you know, I only get one phone call and stuff."

 

Kageyama hits the back of his head against the wall and sighs deeply. "What have you done? Are you okay?"

 

"Secret!" Hinata calls cheerfully, "I’m fine. I have to go now, but I will try to make it. Sorry."

 

 

Just like that, he hangs up and leaves Kageyama staring on his phone in disbelief, muttering 'dumbass' under his breath.

 

"Kageyama, is everything okay?" Nishinoya-san turns to him and stares up at him.

 

Oh, yes, my boyfriend is just arrested, _again_. Don’t even ask me _why_. "Yeah."

 

As the preparations continue, Kageyama grows more and more nervous. Not because of the exhibition, no, because certain ginger man is locked somewhere and Kageyama doesn't know why, for how long, if they treat him well, if he has any problems due to his disability. He doesn't know anything except he just wants to see him right now to tell him how stupid he is for letting himself be caught and how he loves him even though he's stupid. However, the word 'love' scares him to death. His knowledge about love is rather poor and his sexuality remains unresolved, so how comes that the word 'love' comes to his mind naturally whenever he thinks about Hinata? How can he be sure that he loves Hinata when he doesn’t know what it truly means?

 

Just an hour before the vernissage begins. Kageyama is aware that this is a huge opportunity for him; he should be honoured that he can be here today along with so many successful artists, just like Nishinoya-san is, and that he can present his work next to all the wonderful art by them. _Kageyama knows._ But he just cannot help thinking that if he left just now, if he ran the fastest he can, he could make it to the police station, _he could make it to Hinata._

He can see through Hinata's lies when he can read his body language, but over the phone, the short man could be lying to him endlessly and Kageyama wouldn't be able to tell. And what if Hinata lied about being alright? The thought sends cold shivers down his spine and Kageyama tries to forget about it as quickly as he can.

 

Just an hour before the vernissage begins. Maybe if he leaves now..

 

“Kageyama, you aren’t thinking about running away, are you?” Nishinoya-san asks out of blue, totally catching him of guard.

“W-what? Why would you ask that?”

“You’re staring at the door while shifting your feet for five minutes now. Are you?”

 

Kageyama blushes and shakes head, “No.”

“Good,” the shorter man grins and slaps his shoulder, “I can’t wait till Asahi sees this.”

 

Kageyama nods and looks around. All the works on different stations are covered with white cloth by now, each waiting for its reveal. The photography is penultimate, so he there is a possibility he could make it. He sighs and heads towards the bathroom to check his suit and make sure his hair is presentable. It’s as good as it will ever get, so he decides it’s enough and comes back to Nishinoya-san.

 

The vernissage starts soon after that with a handsome tall man giving a speech about the whole exhibition. Kageyama's eyes nervously search through the crowd, but the bright ginger hair is nowhere to be seen. Kageyama's doesn't find the one he's looking for even when everyone moves on to the first station, which is a painting section. All the pictures are beautiful at least, however Kageyama can't bring himself to pay attention to anything that the authors say about them. The crowd continues to move forward, deeper into the building and Kageyama's nerves are on the edge now.

 

By the time Nishinoya-san is talking about his work and successfully wondering everyone, he's given up. Nishinoya-san ends with huge applause, which he fully deserves, and then it's Kageyama's turn.

 

Just as he starts feeling nervous because of the exhibition and not Hinata, someone makes their way through the crowd, heavy breathing and quiet footsteps echoing in the room. And then Hinata is finally there, showing Kageyama his small thumbs pointing up and Kageyama can almost hear all the tension falling down. He grins widely while some people around him look at him, but Hinata's eyes don't leave Kageyama. While normally he would squirm under this gaze, now it somehow gives him the strength to speak up.

 

He takes a deep breath and uncovers the photographs hanging on the thin strings behind him.

 

"Thank you all for coming here today. The work I will present you is my latest and I started it only a month ago. It's called 'The way he sees it'."

 

He can’t overlook the shocked expression setting on Hinata’s face, but he ignores it now and continues with his speech. He doesn't mention Hinata's name, but he does tell everyone how he's meet a boy who lives in shadows and yet he is so bright. He tells them how he inspires Kageyama every day.

 

They're all moved and it's good, Kageyama thinks, _that's good, be thankful for what you take as granted, be aware how lucky you are to have what he deserves_. It's a bitter thought, he knows, but he can't help it, especially when Hinata is right in the middle of them.

 

He finishes presenting the photos and his eye lock with Hinata's while everyone is clapping for him, though they should be applauding Hinata. It's an irony, Kageyama thinks, he's met a boy who is colour-blind and yet for Kageyama, he's the most colourful thing in the whole world. It’s a sad irony.

 

The crowd moves to the final station while Kageyama stays behind, just like Hinata. They only gaze at each other before they're all alone and the short man closes the distance between them and embraces Kageyama tightly.

 

"Sorry I'm late," he whispers against Kageyama's chest.

"I thought you wouldn't come," Kageyama admits, "Are you okay?"

"Of course."

 

The ginger man looks up. "I had no idea you would be presenting this. Are they all black and white?"

"Yeah, they're all taken with the setting you did."

 

The man nods and pulls away to observe the photos from close. Kageyama watches him nervously, only now realising how cheesy he might have sounded. Even if he didn't mention that he boy was his boyfriend, he's sure some people guessed it right away.

 

"Why?" Hinata turns to him with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Why what?"

"Why these photos, why are they all taken with that setting?"

 

Kageyama wants to shrug and play it cool, but Hinata is staring at him with those piercing eyes and he cannot escape that gaze.

 

"I wanted us to see the same thing when we look at them. I know it can never be absolutely accurate, but..I wanted us to see the same thing. And if I can't show you what I see, then.."

 

Hinata nods thoughtfully and Kageyama wonders if he's said the wrong thing, but then Hinata smiles at him.

 

"You know, people usually compare me to the sun, I'm surprised you didn't."

"I can look at you for a bit longer than at the sun."

 

Hinata laughs at this and it's so great to see him like this that the corners of Kageyama's mouth curl up a little. He does love him.

 

“Illegal downloads?”

“No. Well, yeah, but they didn’t catch me because of that.”

“Damn it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deep down, Kags is romantic souls (or at least cheesy)  
> That's what I believe


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s stupid question. But he won’t believe his fear until he hears it from Hinata – though he prays that he’s wrong and Hinata won’t say it. However, when he sees Hinata tearing up, he knows it’s useless hope.

Kageyama listens to the echo of talking coming from the next room as he watches Hinata.

 

"You're sure you don't want to see the rest of the exhibition?"

"Nah, I came for your work," Hinata shrugs the question off.

"Alright."

 

The rest of the night goes rather quietly. Hinata asks Kageyama all kind of questions, however their voice stay just above whispers the whole time, even as they walk to Kageyama's place, a little too close than they should on public.

 

They're just passing a shop window full of playing televisions when something catches Kageyama's attention. He tugs Hinata closer to the window and focuses on one of the TVs where the late night news is on. He can hardly believe his eyes when he sees a familiar ginger hair in a small crowd chased by the police. The man beside him chuckles as Kageyama read the small caption in the bottom of the screen.

 

"Unauthorized protest?"

"Bingo."

 

Kageyama continues stares as the TV where some young woman comments the event now.

 

"Protest against what?"

"Anti-same-sex-marriage-law."

"I thought that marriage is okay here."

"It's not exactly marriage, it's close enough, but it's not it. And in some places in Japan, you can't have even that."

 

Kageyama turns to face Hinata, who wears a serious expression on his face, but to Kageyama it's more of a pout and he can't help but start laughing. Of course that Hinata wouldn't do something bad _; of course it had to be something like this._

"It's serious, Kageyama!" the man yells and smacks his arm, "Don't you want to get married?!"

"Get married?" Kageyama mumbles rather to himself than to Hinata.

 

The short man nods and looks up at him. Kageyama isn't sure how to reply, so he just shrugs and turns his gaze away from Hinata.

 

"Okay, let's forget it for now."

"Yeah."

 

They make it to Kageyama's flat in silence. This time, Hinata automatically heads to Kageyama's bedroom and helps himself to Kageyama's clothes. Maybe that if it was anyone else, Kageyama would be mad, but not when it's Hinata pulling an orange t-shirt over his head. It's big on him, it covers half of his thighs, but he jokes about it, saying it would make good dress for him. When Kageyama asks him if he would wear a dress, Hinata answers no, because he would most likely end up showing his underwear to everyone. Kageyama laughs at this, because it's so true and _so Hinata._

 

"The t-shirt is orange," Kageyama says when they lie side by side, "Like the sun."

"Really? The irony again," Hinata giggles.

"Yeah."

"Kageyama?"

"Hmm?"

"The photos are wonderful. And the presentation was amazing too. I'm really proud of you. Goodnight."

 

He leaves Kageyama blushing in the dark while he just cuddles closer to him and soon quiet snores start slipping past his lips. _It's unbelievable_ , Kageyama thinks, _how he can say something like that and go straight to sleep afterwards with no problem. But then again, it's so Hinata._

A loud melody drags Kageyama away from his probably nice dream. When his eyes sleepily search the room, he finds Hinata sitting on the edge of the bed frowning with a phone pressed to his ear. When he notices Kageyama's gaze on himself, he gives him a slight smile before he hangs up and puts the device aside.

 

"Morning!"

"Morning. What was that?"

"Oh, just my mom reminding me I should go to the doctor today. But I'm not going to."

"Why you should go to the doctor?"

"Because of my eyes."

 

Kageyama scowls and sits up. "Then you really should go, Hinata."

 

The short man sighs and brings his knees to his chest, stretching the t-shirt to cover his legs as well. "I don't want to."

"I know."

 

Kageyama reaches out and takes the smaller hand in his gently, stroking the soft skin. "What if I go with you?"

 

No reply. "And I treat you something sweet afterwards?"

 

The shorter man shifts but remains quiet. Kageyama knows he almost has him. "And I give you piggy-ride?"

 

A pout forms on Hinata's face. "You treat me like a kid!"

"Then we don't have to get sweets or do the piggy-ride."

 

The pout only deepens. Kageyama thinks it might don’t work, but Hinata mumbles: "I want sweets and piggy-ride."

 

 

-

Kageyama would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous as he sits next to Hinata in the long hall, waiting till Hinata's name gets called. Then it does and it's much worse, because he is left in the hall alone, with no hint on what's going on in the room that Hinata has entered. It feels like ages till the short man comes back.

 

"Kageyama, let's go see some puppies," is all Hinata says when he comes out.

 

He doesn't question it, just goes along. Hinata becomes talkative again after few minutes of walking, which is a huge relief for Kageyama.

 

"You know, you should at least tell me the next time you decide to do some illegal protesting."

"Why? Will you join?"

"Maybe," Kageyama replies because honestly, he's given it a thought.

 

Hinata leads to a place that looks like an animal shelter and leaves him behind as he goes to talk to a really tall, silver haired man. He comes back without a word and drags Kageyama outside to a garden, which is full of puppies. It's almost like heaven.

 

It doesn't take long until Hinata is on the ground, surrounded by fluffy pets while Kageyama watches him awkwardly. They jumps all over Hinata, lick his face, and runs around him.

 

“Don’t you like dogs?” the man asks as he looks up at Kageyama.

“I do, but animals don’t like me.”

“Nonsense. Come on, they’re all super fluffly.”

 

Kageyama sighs and sits on the ground beside him, careful not to harm any of the puppies, and sheepishly folds his hands in his lap.

 

“Hey guys, Kageyama might look mean, but he’s actually pretty nice, trust me,” Hinata says between giggles.

 

It’s peaceful to see him like this. Kageyama regrets not having his camera with him to capture the happy smile on Hinata’s face. A small weight settles on his legs and when he looks down, he finds a golden puppy curled up on him blissfully. He gently pets it, afraid it will change its mind, but the tiny creature stays still.

 

“Hinata, why are we seeing puppies?” Kageyama asks.

The man stops laughing and looks into a distance. “I’m here to pick my future guide dog.”

 

Kageyama’s lungs feel like filled with water and he has hard time taking another breath as he looks at the man beside him. “Guide dog?” he chokes out, “Why?”

 

It’s stupid question. But he won’t believe his fear until he hears _it_ from Hinata – though he prays that he’s wrong and Hinata won’t say _it_. However, when he sees Hinata tearing up, he knows it’s useless hope.

 

“I’m getting blind, Kageyama. I might be completely blind by the time one of these is fully trained. So I was sent to pick one.”

 

Kageyama doesn’t reply.

 

He wants to scream how unfair it is, he wants to tell Hinata he deserves better, he wants to yell how he loves him. But he does neither, the words die in his throat. If he told Hinata he loved him now, it would sound like he’s saying it out of a pity – and that wasn’t true. It just wasn’t the right time to say these feelings out loud, not yet, not when it could be understood wrongly.

 

So Kageyama doesn't reply. They sit next to each other in silence, something that is so familiar for them, and pet puppies with tears stained cheeks.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is strange how he can still drown even though he knows how to swim. Perhaps it's because he doesn't feel the water around him but in him.

It is strange how he can still drown even though he knows how to swim. Perhaps it's because he doesn't feel the water around him but in him. It's like a rock is tied to his ankle and it holds him down, it won't let him get to the surface, it won't let him take another breath. It is strange how he can feel like dying even though he knows he's alive. Perhaps because there's no water around him, only cold walls and complete darkness. The only thing Kageyama drowns in is his own sorrow.

 

"Kageyama?" The voice is familiar, pulling Kageyama away from his dream but it's not enough. "Kageyama!"

 

He jolts awake and gasps for air, his body trembling as he sits up.

 

"Another nightmare?"

 

Kageyama nods and wipes his cheeks harshly. Two thin arms sneak around his waist from behind and he lets himself to be hugged as he breathes heavily. A small hand travels on his sweaty skin until it rests above his heart, which is still beating like crazy. A kiss is pressed against his shoulder and then another and then another until Kageyama can't count them anymore.

 

"I'm sorry," he whispers, his body finally relaxing under the calming touch.

 

He doesn't get an answer and the fatigue takes over him soon after, soft kisses lullaby him to sleep. _I love you_ , he wanted to say, but the urge to sleep is stronger. The thought is forgotten by the following morning, buried deep in his head.

 

-

 

"What about your family?" Kageyama asks as they sit next to each other on the porch. The day is cloudy but warm, just like Hinata likes it. "Shouldn't you tell them?"

 

"I don't know. They will be sad and stuff."

"Yeah, but don't you think it would be better for them if they know it sooner?"

"I guess."

 

Kageyama doesn't push any more, it's Hinata's decision.

 

"I should go," the smaller man says and gets up, "I'll come over tonight, yeah?"

"Yeah."

 

Hinata smiles and leans down to kiss Kageyama briefly. _I love you_ , Kageyama wants to say, but the ginger man is already running down the path.

 

 

-

 

"You really have a car?!"

"Yeah I do, don't shout, dumbass," Kageyama sighs and gets in the mentioned car, waiting for Hinata to join him.

 

When he does, Kageyama starts the engine and is very pleased to find out that everything is still functional. Hinata settles in the seat next to him and kicks his shoes off. The dark sunglasses stay on his face as he looks at Kageyama.

 

"Won't you finally tell me where we're going?"

"No," Kageyama replies.

 

Hinata's window remains open the whole time of the journey, soft wind hitting their faces as the ginger man talks about whatever comes to his mind. It's relaxing to just drive and listen to him, let his hair to be windblown as the sun keeps them warm. It doesn't take long, twenty minutes maximally, however Hinata still excitedly calls it _road trip_ and it brings a smile to Kageyama's face.

 

When the car is parked, Hinata is the first one to practically jump out and strech his limbs. "Where are we? It's like in middle of nowhere!" he calls as he looks around.

 

Kageyama rolls his eyes and gets out the car as well, taking in the nature with only few houses surrounding them.

 

"Come on, dumbass," he sighs.

 

The man has no problem clinging to Kageyama and grabbing his hand, but no one is around, so Kageyama has no problem with it as well. Kageyama leads the way quietly until they arrive to a small house. The garden around it is neither big or tiny, it's just enough. Kageyama expects more questions, but not a one comes, so he unlocks the door and lets them inside the building. Despite being left, it's clean and nice.

 

"Who lives here?" Hinata finally asks.

"My grandma did. Now it's mine."

 

The ginger man nods and lets go of Kageyama's hand, peeking into one room after another. When he's done, he returns to Kageyama with a confused expression. Kageyama knows he will have to explain sooner or later, but for now, he decides to leave the man confused for a little bit longer.

 

"Let's go," he says.

 

Hinata follows him in silence until there's a small lake in front of them, shining under the sunrays.

 

"This is amazing," Hinata mumbles in pure awe.

 

Kageyama forces himself to tear his eyes away from his face and nods. When he turns to the man again, Hinata is placing his phone in the shoes he's taken off and then he undresses quickly. Just in his underwear, he runs into the water. He squeals and Kageyama has to laugh.

 

"Come join me!" he calls.

 

Kageyama sighs and does the same, running into the lake before he can be embarrassed about being almost naked. The water is freezing, causing goosebumps all over his body. Hinata starts splashing the cold water on him and Kageyama scowls, returning the favour. Their fight calms down after few minutes and the shorter man sighs blissfully as he floats on his back, his eyes closed.

 

"I like it. But why did you take me here?"

 

"I'm thinking about moving here. And .. I thought I would ask if you would want to move in with me. Not .. Not like a couple, but .. Like roommates. The place is mine, so you wouldn't have to pay rent, and it's not far away from the centre.."

 

Hinata's eyes shoot open and he stares at Kageyama, maybe for a bit too long, before he smiles.

 

"That actually sounds good."

 

His position changes and suddenly his arms are around Kageyama's neck and he's kissing him. Kageyama's own hands rest on Hinata's back and he pulls him closer. _I love you_ , he wants to say, but then Hinata breaks the kiss and splashes the water on him again. Kageyama quickly does the same and the thought stays forgotten for now once more.

 

Hinata’s happy grin when he wins this round almost makes him feel like everything is okay.


	11. Chapter 11

Few boxes still sit unpacked in the hall, but neither of them finds time to finish what they started weeks ago. And it’s not like they miss anything that stays hidden in the carton. No, they have everything they need now.

 

The clothes they wear the most are folded and hanged in one big wardrobe. Sometimes when Kageyama doesn’t pay attention, he takes out Hinata’s t-shirt and puts it on without checking only to have Hinata laugh at him as his stomach peeks out. When Hinata wears Kageyama’s clothes, it’s always purposely. They sell the huge bed left after Kageyama’s grandma and instead bring their own beds, joining them together so they both can sleep like they’re used to, except Hinata ends up on Kageyama’s side almost every night. They take good care of the garden. Kageyama is usually the one who mows the lawn, shirtless during the hot summer days, and Hinata just sits on the porch and whistles every few minutes. He then shouts at the ginger man for not helping, but Hinata just shrugs and doesn’t move an inch. Kageyama is pretty sure Hinata has taken a picture of him, however he lets it slip by. They have everything they need now.

 

The first time it happens is on a sunny day, when the leaves start to fall down and cover the paths they usually take together to get home, _their_ home. The clouds are nowhere to be seen and the sky is pastel blue. Kageyama doesn't know what he's expected. He is aware it will come slowly, step by step, but when there's the first knock, he's not ready for the door to start opening.

 

The first time it happens, Hinata laughs, because there's nothing else he can do. He laughs with tears in eyes at how dumb it is to mistake box of tea with a box of cacao. He tells Kageyama that ‘ _maybe something from up high is sending him a message to stop drinking coffee’_ while he sips his drink. Kageyama lets out a small chuckle as well, but when he's alone later that day, he sneaks into the kitchen to find two completely different boxes that sadly confirm his belief. The only thing they have in common is an almost same size.

 

While no one told Kageyama it would be easy to love someone as much as he loved Hinata, no one ever told him it would be like this. No one warned him about the piercing pain, no one told him he would break down in their kitchen while covering his mouth not to make a single sound.

 

The first time it happens, the first time the door squeak and open an inch, Kageyama is devastated.

 

 

They sit side by side on the porch in front of the atelier when Nishinoya-san takes a photo of them, fond smile on his face. Hinata jumps up and goes to chat with him, their conversation getting away from Kageyama slowly. When the ginger man comes back minutes later, he hands Kageyama his own wallet and nudges him to have a look inside. Kageyama opens the wallet with a frown, however his expression softens when he sees a small print of the photo of them taken just a while ago.

 

“What’s this about?”

“I want to have something to remind me how it used to be.”

“Are you breaking up with me, dumbass?”

 

Hinata chuckles and shakes head. “Of course not. I just ..”

“Yeah.”

 

The shorter man sits beside Kageyama again, his hand automatically aiming for Kageyama’s. “What I’ll miss the most is your face,” Hinata whispers and they stay quiet after that.

 

 

The second time it happens, Hinata is the only one who chuckles. Heavy rain is hitting the windows and they are trapped inside the house, but Kageyama would rather be anywhere else than home as the door opens yet a tiny bit more. He is desperate if nothing else.

 

 

The third time it happens, no one laughs. Hinata runs to the bathroom and Kageyama isn’t fast enough to catch him before he locks the door. He rushes outside after that, not caring about the weather getting colder, and punches the three behind their house until his knuckles bleed like his heart. When he returns home, face covered in tears and fingers covered in blood, he finds Hinata wearing his t-shirt and fluffy socks as he sits on the sofa. The look he gives Kageyama is scared if anything and Kageyama is next to him in a heartbeat. Kageyama wants to caress the freckled cheeks, but he feels dirty, not worthy to touch something as precious as Hinata. The ginger man, however, has another idea and he kisses him, trying to forget the terrifying future ahead of him. They kiss until Kageyama’s lips hurt as well as his hand and heart. While Kageyama witnessed it only three times, he knows that the world in front of Hinata's eyes slowly disappears every day, minute by minute, hour by hour.

 

 

"Kageyama?"

 

Kageyama wakes up and turns to his side to face the man beside him. "Yes?"

"Are you here?"

Kageyama frowns and strokes Hinata's cheek. "Yes."

 

A loud sobs escapes Hinata's throat after minutes of silence. "I can't see you anymore."

 

Just then Kageyama realises that Hinata's wide eyes aren't looking at him anymore. Kageyama was prepared. He had list of things he would say to calm Hinata down when the time comes, but when it actually happens, the breath is stolen out of his lungs and his voice is lost. He wants to yell, he wants to curse everyone, including himself, who will still get to see the world today because Hinata won't. He wants to be strong for Hinata, but the tears won't stop falling down his face and his stupid lip won't stop trembling.

 

They stay in the bed the whole day and Kageyama finally finds the courage to speak when the sun sets.

 

“I love you,” finally slips past his lips, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when you could still see I mean it. I’m so sorry.”

“I can hear that you mean it,” Hinata whispers, “I love you too.”

 

Since that evening, Hinata always asks Kageyama what the most beautiful thing he’s seen during the day was. Kageyama always replies that it’s Hinata. And when he asks what Kageyama’s favourite colour is, Kageyama tells him it’s his eyes. He then carries Hinata to bed because the ginger man is not really good at going up the stairs himself. He steals Kageyama’s t-shirt and fluffy socks before he falls asleep. It’s when Hinata is sleeping beside him when Kageyama lets go and cries his sorrows out, only to wake up the next day and be there for Hinata just like yesterday.

 

Love is weird thing. It makes you laugh and cry, it breaks your heart but also makes you feel warm. Kageyama will always be one step further, one step ahead of Hinata. But as long as Kageyama loves him, he will wait for him in the light and in the darkness. Maybe Hinata was right – what they have is luck in bad luck.

 

Few boxes stay unpacked in the hall, but neither of them finds time to finish what they started months ago. And it’s not like they miss anything that stays hidden in the carton. No, they have everything they need now, each other.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't already, check out the other fics in this series too and thanks for all the feedback
> 
> My next goal is LevYaku fic and an additional series for this one with just fluff that didn't make it to the original fics


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